Sephiroth's Twilight Confessions
by Amaranthos
Summary: It's not everyday you interview Sephiroth, and it's not everyday you get such juicy confessions…


**Sephiroth's Twilight Confessions.  
**_A Sephiroth fanfiction / pt 2 to Juicy Confessions  
_-Amaranthos-

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any characters of Twilight, neither for Final Fantasy 7. This story's intention was not design to satire any one character/characters. It is written out of shear fun and humour.

**Spoiler:** Edward Bashings up ahead. You have been warned.

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"Here we are back on the set of Fantasy 7 – Advent Children Complete where this time a very intriguing question has captured our interest. Mitizuki503 from Malaysia asks: Does Sephiroth Crescent read the Twilight novels or does he watch the movies? AnnaMG07 from Ohio augments the statement by complacently stating: Don't you think Sephiroth would make a good Edward Cullen for the next upcoming Twilight movie - New Moon. With such fascinating questions asked, we at N channel are gonna give you exclusive backstage access into finding out: is Sephiroth a Twilight fan? If you're interested, then this is the place you ought to be, getting exclusive access of such juicy confessions.

So come on, let's get to it."

"This time the producers of Advent Children have given us the green light to interview the cast and supporting cast of Advent Children. Oh, and look who it is. Mr. and Mrs. Highwind. Let's go talk to them"

"Mr. and Mrs. Highwind"

"Let's go Shera…" he begins to pull his wife,

"Oh Cid, come on, she looks like a nice young girl with a nice camera. Is this thing on?" she begins to fumble and fix her hair for the camera.

Cid shakes his head.

"Good day to you both" I begin.

"What do you want this time?" Cid asks, unceremoniously.

Shera taps him on the arm, "Cid!" she reprimands.

"You'll forgive him. He's very shy around cameras. But I'll have you know, I love the camera. I was born to be on camera" she begins, "even though I never did" she sniffs suddenly, "never did get my debut on Advent Children" she fades off.

I blink back.

"Shera" Cid begins.

"Yes hunny?" she blows her nose noisy.

"You're your TV, babe" he says…

"Oh right, right, right" she wipes her tears away, "forgive me." She laughs, "something went in my eyes." She laughs nervously, "s-so how can we help, young lady?" she asks…

"Well we're from Channel N, and a couple of our viewers have asked some interesting questions. They wanted to know, are you a Twilight fan?" I ask

"A who fan now?" Cid asks, scratching his head.

"Twilight fan. You know the vampire story of Edward and Bella" I explain.

"Who the heck is Edward, and what the heck's a bella?" he asks confused.

He turns to look at the camera and asks, "what's a bella?"

"Oh hunny, shush. Oh I love Twilight. Read every book… watched every movie. It was beautiful" Shera informs.

Cid watches her amazed, "really?" he pauses, "you did? When?"

"Do you have a crush on any of the characters?" I ask.

"Of course. That great, pale hunk call Edward. Damn, he's some material" she day-dreams.

"Excuse me?" Cid blinks back at his wife.

"I mean, he's so dreamy, and …handsome and" she giggles thinking about other things.

"Exxxxxcuse me" Cid is taken back.

"Who do you think would be a good Edward and a good Bella on the set?" I ask.

"Hmm, well for certain I'd make a great Bella. I mean, I got all her qualities. I'm slim, pale-ish, I have a kind of voice like her, you know. Yeah, just the general Bella flair I'd say" she giggles girlishly to herself.

"What the heck is a Bella?" Cid keeps asking the camera.

"And well, there's nobody on set who could even compare to darling Edward. I mean, did you see when he took off his shirt. Oh my gosh, I nearly died. I've never been that red in my entire life. I mean… he's so hot" she smiles.

Cid folds his arms and taps his foot annoyed "this is the reason I don't like you. Because of your stupid questions. Now you've taken my wife…" he sighs, "come on woman…" he pulls Shera away.

"But wait, there's so much about Edward I haven't confessed" she struggles.

"Not happening under my watch" they fade into the distance.

"Well it would seem Mr. Highwind is very upset about his wife's confessions. Poor Mr. Highwind" I pause, "moving on, let's find someone else we can ask our Twilight questions"

The camera nudges me into the direction of the huge group of cast members laughing. They were drinking some drinks and rehearsing their lines.

I could see many of the usual faces, Cloud, Yuffie, Reno, Rude and Tifa.

We approach the large group.

"Hello, we're from Channel N, and we wanted to know if we could have at least 5 minutes of your time to answer a few questions" I ask.

Cloud looks at me rather disgruntled. He remembers our last encounter.

"Oh, it's you again. Of course you can ask questions. When it comes to me knowing my fans and reaching out and helping, I'm always there. You know me…" Yuffie winks, smiling broadly for the camera.

"What questions do you have now?" Rude asks…

"Well this time our questions are based on Twilight. Fans want to know, do you guys watch Twilight?" I ask.

Cloud and Tifa shake their heads, not familiar with the name.

Reno pops in immediately, "oh, that depressing movie! Yeah, I dated a chick who liked that Edward turd. Man, chick wouldn't shut up about him. It was always, Edward was this, Edward was that, and I'm like Edward is a douche" he shakes his head

"He is not a douche." Yuffie slams a hand on Reno's head, "he's a hunk from vampire heaven graduated to the tenth level of gorgeous. I mean, who doesn't love Edward? Nevermind don't answer that" she pushes Reno aside.

"So you like Edward Cullen a lot?" I ask

"Like? Heh heh, deary – I just don't like like Edward, I like love Edward. Catch my drift. I mean, he's so…" she dreams for a minute…

"Pale ass" Reno interjects.

"Would you shut up! Gosh, I'm trying to explain to the camera what I think about the future father of my children." She screams.

"Future father? Oh boy, you're worst than my ex. You're psycho. I mean, think about it. Is it just me or does Twilight make absolutely no sense. Who the hell sparkles in the sun? Oh wow, like I'm petrified at that" he snorts…

"Leave Edward's sparkles alone. That happens to be the new manly thing." She bites back.

"Really? Wow. You Twilight girls really need to get your eyes and head checked out. The last time I remembered a real vampire is a bloodsucker who doesn't touch sun. But trust Edward to bust out his species and become the new hybrid. Way to go Eddy-boy" Reno retaliates.

"I will have you know, us Twilight girls have an exceptional, sophisticated taste in Edward. I don't expect your scrawny brain to understand that level of beauty and gorgeousness and not to mention, the great level of acting Edward has to pull off. I mean, Edward is like a gift from the heavens. Everything you wish you could be." She teases.

"Oh pulez" he rolls his eyes, "as if I would want to wake up with a head the size of the titanic. I mean with a head that big, I'm sure his other head down there is just a weener." Reno laughs.

Tifa and Cloud snickers.

Yuffie turns to them with flames in her eyes. In a demonic voice she says, "you so did not go there"

Everyone shudders.

"My Edward does not have a small weener, and his head does not make up for it either. His head is perfectly proportionate to his body. He's absolutely perfect the way he is. He's sexy and you're just jealous" she attacked.

"Not of that turd. But hey… I'm not the one who needs to get my eyes checked out. Hey for all we know… something could be wrong with you Twilight girls. They brainwashed you guys to think the new ugly is the new hot, and I think it's working" he informs crudely.

"You little - " she clenches her fist with flames in her eyes.

"Could we move on to the next question? My friends are becoming violent" Tifa interjects.

"Ohhhh no Tifa. Let me kill the little turd on national tv. The little shit is gonna die I say, die" Yuffie screams out.

Tifa pulls her back.

"Good idea. So who do you think would be a good Edward and a good Bella on your set?" I ask.

"Tifa would make a greattttt Bella" Reno curtly replies, trying to agitate the contained Yuffie.

Tifa blinks, "who is Bella?" she asks

"Oh great. You're sad" Yuffie shakes her head, "how could you not know Bella. I mean – hello, it's like Bella" Yuffie informs.

"Bella who didn't get a fella" Reno laughs.

"You..punk" Yuffie growls.

"I definitely think Tifa would make a good Bella. Apart from sitting down and watching that gut-wrenching, vomit-repulsing movie, I strangely did like Bella. She's inhibited, she's shy, she's pretty, she's somewhat ferocious when she wants to be and reminds me a lot of the beautiful Tifa" Reno laughs, "wouldn't you agree Cloud?"

Reno purposely teases Yuffie.

Cloud blushes, "well I-I g-guess, if Bella is shy and inhibited and… and pretty" Cloud tenderly looks at Tifa, who blushes.

"Oh please. You two repulse me. You two are nothing like my Edward and Bella. You don't even fit the character of Edward, Cloud. You don't have that kind of… finesse. Sorry, the truth hurts" she pauses to turn to Tifa, "and you Tifa…you're just ALL wrong to be Bella" she shakes her head.

Tifa narrows her brows, "and why is that now?" she asks…

"You're too booby. Not to mention, you don't look like a Bella. I mean, if you look at me. You clearly see a resemblance between Bella and I. We're like, practically twins. Except I'm hotter" Yuffie elucidates.

"And flatter" Reno points out.

Yuffie scowls, "son of a gun"

"Don't worry Tifa. Boobs ain't bad, half the time I watch that before the woman, so I'd watch you if were a Bella. The booby Bella" Reno smirks.

"Good one" Rude laughs

Tifa covers her chest, awkwardly.

Tifa goes complete red and Cloud clenches his hand.

"That's no way to speak to her, you pervert"

"So what? Bella doesn't have hushes like Tifa. I mean, the point is the girl can act. Not to mention, she's like insanely beautiful" Yuffie interjects.

"You know, your sentence has bad implications on me" Tifa informs.

"Now now Tifa, this isn't about you, this is about – "

She's interjected to the running children. Both Marlene and Denzel run to Tifa and Cloud. Barret and Rufus approach the group.

"Whatcha people doin'?" Barret asks.

"Being asked if we like Twilight" Yuffie explains happily.

"Twilight? What in heck's name is that?" Barret asks

Marlene looks up at her father, "daddy…" she pulls his pants.

"What is baby?" he asks…

"Don't you remember Twilight? Remember that movie you rented and started crying over when you thought the bigheaded vampire boy was going to die?" she looks up innocently.

Barret laughs uneasily, "what?" he laughs nervously, "she has an active imagination" he shakes his head, "Marlene, sweety its not good to tell lies" he points out.

"I'm not lying. You were crying and screaming out Edward's name. I remembered because you woke me up that night. Over and over again." She looks at us, "my father cries when he's emotional"

Everyone laughs.

"Well it's not something we're expecting to hear everyday from the big and burly Barret, but hey, every tough guy has his soft spot" Tifa giggles.

"Tif, don't even start that" Barret blushes, coming disgruntled.

"She was also asking, who would make a good Bella and Edward. They said Tifa would make a good Bella, do you believe that, no offense Tif" Yuffie pats Tifa's shoulder.

Tifa shakes her head.

"Definitely not" Rufus responds.

"Thank you. I absolutely agree with –

"Ms. Lockhart by far is one of the most beautiful, attractive and desirous woman I have ever seen. Bella, is just some teen girl. Simple-minded, bored, looking for romance. The entire Twilight saga, is an absolute waste to poetry and composition. But when you look at a woman, like Ms. Lockhart" Rufus draws close to Tifa, holding her hand.

"You see beauty at its most natural and delicate form. You my dear are poetry to be studied and certainly - enjoyed" he smiles.

Tifa blushes. Cloud growls.

Yuffie fumes. "Oh my gosh, does everybody think I make a bad Bella?"

"Auntie Yuffie. You don't look like Bella. You look like Alice. Alice Cullen. You're kind of crazy like her too" Marlene says.

"Alice? Ohhh noo. Fail. Fail. Gah. My life is destroyed. My dreams… they're over. End me. End me now. Let me die and know the last thing I knew was the joy of knowing Edward" she cries.

"My gosh, you're such a dramatist" Tifa explains…

"Well excuse me if I found out I made a better Alice than I would be a Bella" she saddens.

"Well at least now you wouldn't be Bella who needed a fella." Reno laughs out.

The statement irks Yuffie.

"That's it, you're dead!" with that Yuffie goes into a pursuit of Reno.

Everyone looks at the pair.

"I think secretly, Reno likes her" Cloud says.

"I think so too" Tifa replies.

"Well, we'll be moving on everyone. Thank you for your time" I thank the group.

We bade each other and continue our journey in search of 'other' important people.

"So far fans, we've interviewed everyone from Mr. Highwind to little Marlene, and the answers are anything but boring. With our interests peaked, can we find Sephiroth and get our questions answered? Chances are… we just might" I spoke.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where to find Mr. Crescent?" I ask one of the floor operators.

"He's probably rehearsing his lines for scene 7B" the operator replies.

"Where is that?" I ask.

"Down the hall, then take a left" he informs.

"Thank you. This is so exciting viewers. We're actually gonna speak to Sephiroth about Twilight. Somehow the two in one sentence seems almost like a paradox" down the hall we run and we take a left. And alas, our search is complete.

There sitting in the distance on a single chair was Sephiroth reading his script.

"Oh my gosh. There he is, Sephiroth Crescent in the flesh. Come on..lets go ask him" I smile.

Slowly we approach the concentrating man, who seems completely wrapped in his art. He slowly averts his eyes to us, and then says coldly.

"Give me 1 reason I shouldn't call security?" he asks coldly.

"Um.. well, you see this time new fans asked new questions. Don't worry, these are pretty harmless questions" I laugh nervously.

"You said that the last time and then I received a large number of hate mail. You're a very bad influence on my fans" he points out, flatly.

"W-well, contrary to that belief, I think I boost your morale" I pause, "after all I do it for you, for your fans. See" trying to point out the connection

He sighs. "You're annoying"

I face-fault. That hurts.

"Make it quick. I have a scene to shoot and you're almost as annoying as that Wutai girl" he sputters.

I blink back. So mean.

The camera man nudges me to continue.

"Right. The first question was asked from a viewer, she asks – have you ever read the Twilight books or watch the movies?" I ask.

"First off. No. I don't know what Twilight is – as in a book or a movie, so the answer is no" he responds curtly.

"Have you ever seen this footage before?" I provide him with a video clip of Twilight

"I've seen these people." He flatly states.

"Well these are Twilight cast members" I inform.

"Fascinating" he devoidly answers.

"And a fan states you would make a great Edward Cullen for the next movie. What's your views on that?" I ask.

"That they're absolutely blind. This Edward boy, sure does have a large head" he makes the first assumption. "Why is he so pale and thin, and weak looking? Almost like a rag." He pauses, "pathetic human"

"W-Well… he's a vampire" I explain.

Sephiroth looks at me, "are you sure? He doesn't look like he sucks blood. Perhaps not, since his supporting actress is rather frail of a woman. Not to mention, what blood can you obtain from such a thin thing" he shakes his head.

"What do you think of his acting skills?" I ask, figuring Sephiroth must have agreed to Edward's acting.

"The most tasteless thing I've seen. He looks like he's struggling to make an expression. Acting is suppose to look real and in some way, when it becomes second nature – it becomes a part of you. He looks like a young boy trying to learn new words. Pathetic" he pauses, "that fan of mine who said I would make a good Edward, surely has a very bland eye and taste. Not to mention – they have disgraced me with this comparison."

"You don't like Edward much do you?" I ask.

"It is not that I choose to simply, dislike him. It is naming it for what it is. Pathetic acting. Pathetic looking. He's frail, and he sparkles too?" Sephiroth scratches his head, "I expected the whole idea of sparkles on a vampire to be presumably the idea of a 4 year old. Now I'm wondering how such a movie even got screened" he lightly touches his brow, "if you ask me… it's rather bland"

"According to 100 most beautiful people's Magazine, they've mentioned young Edward to be one of the most beautiful young guys acting today. He plucks in at number 20 on the list. What's your views on that?" I point the camera at Sephiroth.

He sighs, "I would say – I don't care. The boy has chicken meat on him. Hardly a muscle to be called a muscle. And to mention, that head of his must weigh at least 50 pounds, give or take" he informs.

"So you think he's frail and skinny? A lot of the women who look at him, agrees he's quite muscular and attractive" I saunter.

"The level of attraction must have dropped over the years. The last time I checked, women goggled at men with muscle and flesh, and real brawn. Not fatheaded boys with bony chicken arms. Surely, the level of physical attraction has declined. It would seem the new ugly is the new thing" he confesses.

"What about Bella, what do you think about her? Do you think anyone on set would be a good Bella?" I ask.

"Bella. For certain, she reminds me too much of the main character. Her character is boring. Why is she so weak looking, almost thin and frail and pathetic. She too bores me." He pauses to yawn, "no I don't particularly see anyone on this set of her nature. Perhaps the mop maybe" he elucidates.

Ouch Bella.

"What do you think about Yuffie being a good Bella?" I ask

"The Wutai girl is annoying. Sometimes I want her to harm her, but if I do I breach my contract. It would however be a good idea if she became that bland. That way she wouldn't steal other people's items" he informs.

"Do you think Tifa would make a good Bella?" I ask.

Sephiroth looks down, "no. Ms. Lockhart is far from the bore of that frail girl." He informs

"So what are your views about vampires and their reflection through Twilight?" I ask.

"I would not be able to give a good assessment of this movie or the kind of Vampires it portrays. For the most part I understand Vampires to be creatures, of blood and sexual thirst. They desire the need for blood and pure women. They strike me as powerful, yet strangely tired creatures, who live through time, timelessly, having their fun and living their lives as secluded as possible. Their nature has never been colourful or as… estrange as that of this pathetic boy shining like a pack glitter fell on him. No rather, they strike me as bold and strong, and lethal. Respected and organized. Extremely organized. Quite clever creatures of the night" he informs.

"What do you mean about vampires searching for pure women?" I ask.

"I would say go read a book and find out, but it would be bad for my publicity." He sighs, "how I hate red tape"

I scratch my head, confused.

"For the most part vampires enjoy the taste of virgins. They know them in the crowds, they find them easily by their scent. And it's a nice scent too. They hunt the purest for what is suppose to be the sweetest and most divine blood a vampire can feast himself in. A delicacy really" he smirks

"I see. So do you think you would make a good vampire?" I ask

"It depends." He dryly states.

"Depends? Depends on the whole power trip or pure virgin thing?" I ask.

"Neither. It depends. Being a vampire is a life of absolute repetition. Much like this one, a vampire doesn't have more choice than a normal human. Which limits it into a somewhat pathetic constraint. Sun is the only crucifixion of vampires, and let's face it walking around all night like an insomniac is fine the first few days I suppose, but eventually it becomes boring and weakening to know you can't even walk in sun. I consider it weak. And I am not weak" he emphatically states.

"Well in follow up to that, what kind of vampire would you like to be?" I ask

"The kind that isn't me. Surely, no vampire is greater than my legend. Let's face it, the perks of feasting on virgins and women, is a bit out of character for my taste. Rather, being powerful and world dominative is what I thrive to be, and for the most part vampires are an overhyped muse cooked into the imaginations of young boys and girls, to appease the occult in them." He informs

"If you could say anything right now to your fans, who are Twilight fans, what would it be?" I ask, pointing the camera at him.

He purses his lips.

"Go get a life. Any fan of mine, should never be a fan of such pathetic miscreants as those of this – Twilight phenomena." He confesses.

"Well thank you Mr. Crescent." I thank him.

I turned to my camera and spoke, "so there you have it everyone, Sephiroth's confessions about Twilight." I pause to notice Sephiroth stands to leave.

"Well until next time viewers, I'm Chibi from N channel. Join me next time…" I bade.

**- Cut! –**

And we're clear!

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AN: Hope you guys had a couple good laughs. Thank you for reading.


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